Have you ever been faced with attending someone’s visitation/funeral and just became paralyzed, not knowing how to respond appropriately to a friend/loved one who has just suffered devastating loss? What exactly do you say?
In my 10 years of owning a hospice agency and with my own loss of those closest to me, I’ve been enthralled by the things people say to those who have lost a loved one. I learned over time and much experience with death that saying very little is best. So many things people say are with great intention but usually come out wrongly, are not perceived in the same sincere intent of the giver and can be received just the opposite. One example is: “I’m so sorry for your loss but God must have needed them more in heaven than here on earth” or “they’re so much better off now in heaven”. To the grieving person they really don’t want to hear how much better off their loved ones are in heaven. They just miss them so much here on earth! Especially if it’s a sudden death – the shock and unanticipated loss is so gut wrenching they just want their loved one back. When it’s a long illness and death is anticipated, the grieving one is more acceptant of the fact that they’re better off in heaven or no longer suffering. I’ve learned that just being sincere, compassionate, empathetic and saying “I’m so sorry for your loss” is really the best to say initially. And leave it there followed by a sincere, caring smile and hug if appropriate.
This article takes the things that are said after loss a little further and backs each statement up with scripture. I sincerely hope this helps anyone out there struggling with what to say and gives you an understanding of the significance of our words at this challenging time.
https://www.crosswalk.com/slideshows/10-things-christians-shouldn-t-say-when-someone-dies.html
